For the past few weeks of September, I've been stuck in a strange kind of limbo.
The kind where I talk myself out of things and reason them, the kind where I seek advice or an ear with a friend, the kind where I get angry and then overjoyed and then grumpy and then relief again. It's really annoying, I didn't sign up for this but it's not like I can bleep them out and just keep the good stuff.
I can say I have been through a lot, but then again I don't really know, do I?
I can say we got this far, but then again maybe it's just a few pebbles off of a very very very long road.
I can safely say that there is still a safety net, and that I know I have a place fixed for me and I probably do not have to worry.
But it's that thought that scares me, that there is really no happy ending and if I'm not careful, something could leap out and bite me in the ass.
It is that fear that consumes me that keeps this going and that screws things up that sparks arguments that fucks with the mind.
I can't wait to be home and yet, I like it here.
Somewhat.
When I'm home, will things be different?